WILD INNOCENCE AND WAR by Janine Ma-Ree
On the back of the #metoo campaign, we are experiencing a cultural cleansing. We are hearing many voices, that have been too scared to speak, held down in collective repression and fear, drawing on their courage and rising to be heard. We are hearing accusations, calls for accountability and people standing up in that..we are seeing people becoming more aware and others more confused..we are seeing conditioning dissolving, we are seeing men/women polarities becoming activated and inflamed, hate and projections spewing from one side to the other, we are seeing women moving from disempowerment through to having a voice and we are seeing men becoming disempowered, to afraid to move, speak or touch anybody in case they do something wrong. We are seeing the pendulum swinging from one side to the other.
I have journeyed deeply with both poles in myself..going into the parts of my feminine that have been angry, felt violated, by unwanted touch and coercion, lack of consent, felt frozen dealing with unconscious and uninitiated masculine energy, and armoured myself to deal with unwanted energy coming at me..and the parts of my feminine that has violated and hurt through unconsciously using power over with my emotional body, lashing out emotionally without consent, projections of love fantasies, longing for connection and trying to get that outside herself. I have felt these parts, descended into the dark, embodied their shadows so they can be integrated and brought to love.
But doing this is not enough..there is another part of me that exists and until I feel, embody and bring these parts out of the shadow, I am going to be stuck in the gender wars, us vs them, victim perpetrator cycle. And so I have also felt my masculine aspects. The parts of me that have crossed boundaries with my penetrating presence, emotional body or physical touch. The parts of me that are unconscious and uninitiated. The parts of me looking for validation and performing from a place of disconnection. The parts of me that have violated when I had no fucking idea how to enter someones energy field with sensitivity and respect, yet alone touch their body with love and presence. The parts of me that didn’t know, that don’t know..
I have felt the parts of me that were born into a western society where there is no deep initiation or embodiment rites of passage that exist in the mainstream..rites of passage to transmit how to embody and navigate these energies in a conscious and loving way. Or initiations that show how to navigate sexual energy. In the feminine, sexual inititations that show her how to open fully and receive, sense and know her boundaries and how to communicate them in an empowered way..in the masculine, that show him how to lovingly penetrate, how to feel and sense and love with potency.
My understanding is when the testosterone surges at puberty, it comes with such a overwhelming urge to penetrate, a sense of being out of control, young boys and uninitiated men jacking off in secrecy as quickly as possible lest they be discovered, unconsciously trying to navigate or looking outside themselves for something, anything to penetrate..and no-one showing up to show the young masculine how to drive this energy that is so strong in their bodies..no one supporting them how to open and move the energy in the body, no-one supporting them as how to move in the world with this penetrating energy..and then crucifying them when they fuck up..
I have gone inside me and felt this in my body, felt how strong this penetrating energy is in its full expression to the degree i am able. I have run it in my body in its taking and power over shadows..even though I am in a woman’s body, with intentioned embodiment practices, it is possible to connect shamanically to this aspect of me, feel it and own it in me, experience it and understand it. Feel its overwhelming urges and power and learn how to connect it to my heart, and just like getting a new and powerful car, learn how to drive it. Bringing the shadows home to love and innocence.
In recent years, I have been sharing a lot about innocence..wild innocence..knowing ourselves fully as the wild untamed expression of love that we are..There has been so much movement in the reclamation of the feminine and bringing her to innocence..I celebrate this..I work deeply with this in the womb work I offer..working through the years of conditioning, suppression, repression, demonising, witch burnings, slut shaming, objectification, sexual entitlement over womens bodies that the feminine holds in her cells..going through it all right back to Eve in the Garden of Eden and reclaiming her wild innocence..
But the masculine is innocent too..the phallus is innocent too..and until we offer deep masculine initiation rituals into his balls, his power and his potency, his heart and his penetrating lover energy, nothing changes.. Embodied initiation that isn’t just about education and lectures on sex ed, initiation that doesn’t shy around the erect, penetrating sexual power the masculine holds, that doesn’t push it down, and create impotent sensitive new age men, but initiation that supports the masculine to stand up and reclaim the potency of this energy, truly shows how to move with this energy and particularly how to penetrate and ravish the feminine with it in a loving way..until this happens, and until this happens inside ourselves, we are going to stay stuck in polarity and war, and we are not going to fully receive the gifts that the fully initiated and embodied masculine holds on the planet. And these gifts are vast..
Just like the initiated feminine with her magnetising womb, transmutive power, emotional body that vibrates, shakes people awake and creates change, ecstatic sexuality and open hearted love that is deep, soft and fierce, breasts that can love, nurture and hold everything, who is intuitive, connected with matter and grounded in the earth..the initiated, integrated masculine also has gifts we need. We need his penetrating presence and love, we need his dark, earthy balls to protect and create safety, to penetrate through the bullshit..we need him to stand up aroused and erect, connected to the cosmos, in his full power embodying love as his purpose and seeding the world. It is only when we know and have integrated both of these energies we can truly end the gender war outside and inside ourself.
By Janine Ma-Ree ISTA Lead Faculty